Friday Humor: Change

With the recent massive changes to SWG, you might be wondering just what else those crazy geniuses at SOE have up their sleeves. Well, I have the answer.

The top secret Aggro Me elite ninja squad has once again earned their five silver a month by fearlessly breaking into the SOE death fortress and uncovering the imaginary drafts of future game change announcements! Remember, you saw it here first!

Planetside - Producer's Letter

Dear Members of the Terran Republic, the Vanu Sovereignty and whatever that third one is:

Hello to all the dozens of Planetside subscribers and fans out there! I'm Bob Johnson, the new Producer of Planetside, here to announce some incredibly fabulous and exciting new changes!!!!!!!!!

Now, I know what you're thinking. But, Bob, how can things get any more exciting over at Planetside?!?!? I know, I know. Our ultra-scientific surveys show that over 99.9% of the Planetside player base absolutely LOVES the whole BFR thing and ADORES in-game advertising! But, we say, hey, why stop there?

That's right, we are making sweeping changes to the game. And I don't want to get giddy, but all three of the highly trained and skilled focus testers we lured from a mall in Ohio with the promise of Quake IV and Applebee's gift certificates think these changes are ABSOLUTELY TOP NOTCH!!!!

Now, you're going to say, please, for the love of all that is holy, tell me about these changes! Well, ask yourself, what is the Planetside universe really about? Yes, that's right, PUZZLE GAMES! Prepare yourself for true fun and get ready to defeat your opponent in a heart-pounding game of skill!

As soon as you draw near one of your enemies, the screen will change and you will be taken to our wild, highly intense PUZZLE ARENA! I hope you're ready, because you will compete in such heart-pounding puzzle games as Jumble, Word Scramble, Jumble Advanced, and, of course, Jumble Death Match! Only the best will prevail!

I know, I know, you can't wait. But don't worry, these changes will go live in only two days! What's that Jim? Oh, hold on, my senior lead designer just told us that the changes are live already! Go Planetside! Get puzzling!!!

Matrix Online - Press Releases

For release December 1:

To all Matrix Online Players:

For one day only, the new expansion "The Architect's Ramblings" is available for only $39.99! This expansion adds much-needed depth to the Advanced Hacker, Pilot and Combat Specialist professions! Also, there is finally tons of ship to ship combat outside of the Matrix! Pick it up today!

For release December 2:

To all Matrix Online Players:

Great news! The members of the Matrix Online development team have both decided to completely revamp the game so it's more fun for everyone! The professions have been "clarified" for more fun in the following manner: The Advance Hacker, Pilot and Combat Specialist professions no longer exist. All other 82 professions have been "clarified" into two: Neo/Trinity and Agent Smith/Elrond. No action outside of the Matrix exists! This will make the game over one hundred and seventy-three times better according to our advanced neural network! All existing characters will have to start over (who doesn't love a fresh start?) but will be rewarded for their loyalty by a massive lens-flare glow around their character which will cause lag whenever it is turned on and a book entitled Dull Things the Oracle Said which can be placed in player housing (note: player housing no longer exists). Thanks for your awesome continued support!!!
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Fascinating stuff, from the desks of the SOE think-tank to you. I hope you enjoyed this look into the future of online gaming. Also, there's this link.