Friday Humor: EQII Shakespeare

Q: How many Hamlets does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two, three...or not two, three.

Okay, I didn't write that one. But what if Shakespeare played Everquest II? Well, I imagine he would play the bard class. But how would his time in Norrath influence his plays? My deranged imaginings follow:

Macbeth

Lady Macbeth: It wasn't wrong to kill steal that mob. We needed it for a quest. I don't feel guilty at all. There is no kill stealing in EQII. I had to level. I'm fine. I just need to repair my gear. Repair all. Repair all. Repair all. Why isn't it repaired? Out, out damned spot!

Hamlet

King Claudius: Hail, Hamlet, how are you today?

Hamlet: OMG LOL ROFLCOPTER!

King Claudius: Wow, you sure are crazy, Hamlet.

Hamlet: (in the wrong chat channel) /guildsay Hey guys, I'm pretending to be crazy to mess with my Mom's new husband! It's hilarious!

Hamlet: Oh snap, that was the worse mistell in history.

King Claudius: Pwned.

King Lear

Lear: I'm leaving EQII because of all these nerfs and here's fifty more reasons why (lists reasons). I'm going to give all my phat gear away. Guildmates, which of you should I give it to?

Goneril: You are so uber, Lear. Don't leave, I love you.

Regan: Lear, you are the greatest player in history. You are my everything.

Cordelia: Sorry, I was afk, did I miss something?

Lear: That's it, I'm giving all my gear to Goneril and Regan. Cordelia gets nothing. Trades gear.

Lear has been removed from Guild by Regan.

Lear has been put on ignore list by Goneril.

Lear: OMG I was wrong about those two! Now I have nothing!

Cordelia: Do you want some Tier 3 food and drink?

As You Like It

Jaques: All the world's a game, and all the men and women merely players. They have their log-ons and their log-offs. And one man in his time plays many alts.

Henry IV

Prince Henry: And all the budding honours on thy crest, I'll crop, to make a garland for my head. Er, as soon as there's PvP.

Hotspur: I can no longer brook thy vanities! But I guess I'll have to until the expansion.

The Tempest

Gonzalo: I would fain die a dry death.

Sebastian: I wouldn't try the Zek boatride then.

A Winter's Tale

Exit. Pursued by an Owlbear.

King Richard III

Richard: A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!

Merchant: Sir, I told you already. Unless you have the status points it's five plat.

Julius Caesar

Caesar: Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once.

Brutus: Yeah, Caesar, I know, but we died eight times on this raid already and I have almost a full level of xp debt now. Uh, hey, my computer's acting weird...

Brutus fakes link-death.

Caesar: Et tu, Brute?