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Friday, November 18, 2005

Friday Humor: Vanguard

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Since the EQII devs are doing a great job of humor themselves, I figured I'd take a little break from poking fun at EQII and SOE today. Instead, it's time to have a little fun with Sigil Games, makers of the upcoming MMO, Vanguard. While I'm intrigued by Vanguard, and I will certainly play it, some of the stuff Brad McQuaid says does crack me up. The first two quotes which follow are actual Brad McQuaid quotes from the Vanguard forums, not a parody:

Brad on Combat:

"Good luck on two-boxing. You need to pay attention in this game. Everyonce in a while somebody sees a level one in Vanguard and is concerned the game pace is to slow. I promise you, you want the general 'round' to be that long, because even at mid levels there is THAT much going on. You need to be aware of who is doing what, what NPC is on who, what abiliity they are about to use, if you have a counter. You could be using a combat starter and a bridge could pop up that forks. Which related ability do you want to use? Make your choice. You don't have much time. Oh wait! While you were thinking, in those brief seconds, another icon popped up. A counter ability/spell. Now you need to decide whether to finish your chained attack (and which bridge to take), or to counter that ability. What do you now about that abiility? Is it critical enough to counter no mattter what or can you let it slide? But wait, while you're pondering all of this, two more icons pop up giving you the opportunity (and letting you know) that your secondary defensive target, say your cleric, was just aggroed. You have the option of rescuing him. So you can finish you attack, counter, or rescue. Add to that our emphasis on multiple mob encounters (hard to seperate a group), and you get more chaos. Add in situational awareness. Is my cleric ok (I'm RPing a warrior here). Is my sorc ok? Did either the sorc or the ranger just do so much damage they may draw aggro? Or do they have some abilitiy to mask that...."

Brad on Shopping:

"Just for more clarity, I don't want search abilities, etc. because I want price differences. Not just differences between regions, but probably within a city. To me, that creates an exciting player economy. Yes, one could argue it's more work to have to go shopping as opposed to just bringing up a nifty screen that does all the work for you. But the shopping is the gameplay. It may not be for everyone, but neither is it necessary for a player to particpate in this part of the economy and game."

Excited? Well it only gets better and more hardcore! I contacted the Aggro Me ninja death squad once again. And boy were they angry. After having just broken into SOE's headquarters last week...now I wanted them to infiltrate Sigil. I had to promise them an additional five silver along with a coupon for a two-topping pizza from Pizza Hut. They love their pizza. But the mission was a success and I bring you these imaginary design documents from Sigil:

Eating in Vanguard

"Everyonce in a while people see the eating mechanic in Vanguard and think it's too slow paced. Some people want to just click on a food item and eat it. They should play an easier game. Sure, eating in Vanguard is a two and a half hour process, but there's so many difficult decisions that it's barely enough time! There's just THAT much going on! Okay let's say you want to eat some pasta. Do you want to roll it up with your fork, get a knife involved or just dig in and hope for the best? And what level fork are you using? Oh wait! While you were pondering this conundrum a window pops up letting you know you have bread available. Do you want to butter? Not butter? Dip in the sauce for a combo?

Then, BAM, before you know it, sauce is flying towards your pants! Do you attempt to counter it with a napkin? Rely on your pants' defensive stats? Attempt a dodge? Add in the fact that we use multiple eating situations, i.e. appetizers, drinks, deserts and it just adds to the exciting chaos! Add in gastronomical awareness. Is the portion big enough (I'm RPing a fat guy here)? Is it too spicy? What are the aftereffects going to be like? And that's just solo eating. You can only imagine what a group dinner is going to be like..."

Logging Off in Vanguard

"Just for clarity, I don't want a simple log off screen in Vanguard. Because I want a myriad of variations in log offs. Sure, you might like a nifty little interface where you just click a button and log off. Yeah, be lazy and let that do all the work for you. Logging off is part of the gameplay. Is you race a good sleeper or not? Have you killed a lot of mobs that day? You may be over-excited. Where is the best locale to sleep? Have you switched your gear into your bedtime configuration? Have you countered anxiety with warm milk or the count sheep ability? All these will have an effect on the patented log off progress bar, which can range anywhere from seconds to hours. It may not be for everyone, but you're welcome to just turn your computer off and take the two level penalty."

The ninja team also uncovered a document entitled "Using the Restroom in Vanguard: Extended Camp Times." But that's so exciting and hardcore I don't want to spoil it for you.


Anonymous Anachronist said...

You`re getting better and better in the humor departement aggro ;)

About Vanguard: As more as I hear about that game the less interested I become in it. While I do think EQ2 could have a little spicier game play, I`m most defnitly not in the opinion this should be achiefed by gearing towards the most ubor powergaming. But well, I guess at least there will be a game for the hard cores among us soon.

A tiny tiny tiny little bit of this would be cool in eq2 too ;)

12:40 AM  
Blogger warm_machine said...

Your ninja death squad did it again! That is some classic material they liberated!

As for Vanguard, I had absolutely no interest in that game before, and after reading some Sigil's vision, I have even less want to play.

Hell, I'll play WoW before Vanguard!

It goes something like this. I wake up, go to work, come home, and log on to have fun... not to go back to work! That's the reason I quit EQ1. I don't want a second job, I just want to game!

1:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

comedy gold. keep the good work up aggro. =)


7:17 AM  
Blogger Anskiere said...

It hurt my brain to even read his blurb about combat.. and, nice that he has good grammar.. and stuff. I always thought that someone representing a company should at least have a good grasp of the language they are pitching their product in.

(Okay, that may be a bit much, but I seriously invision some 14ish year old rambling on when I read that)

8:27 AM  
Blogger Bandito said...

A good laugh! Eating is soooooo hardcore :) I just thought the picture of the van on the top was funny enough.

9:15 AM  
Blogger Karnatos said...

Buuuuuhdaay! Yer killin' me!

There ought to be rules against posts that make people snarf at work; I had serious coffee-in-the-nose action going on here... and the new-hires we have now think I'm a putz.

Hehhehehehhe - keep up the good work Aggro Me.

9:25 AM  
Blogger Quylein said...

that was some good stuff.

Though In his defense Anskiere I belive he put his best effort in explaining the combat situation w/o giving to much up. It's not as easy to explain as say EQ2.

There's a hate list in EQ2 just like EQ1. Most people think like this in eq2. I want hate if im a tank. I dont want hate if I'm not. What do I do in between is just mash buttons, short of the HO's.

Vanguad is a totaly differnt beast when it comes to that. So even with properly typed english it would make it more difficult to put you in the action just explaining it.

However your correct in saying it was very difficult to read.

10:14 AM  
Blogger Twodragons said...

The involved and difficult-as-rocket-science combat sounds interesting. I would relish in the fact that I successfuly thwarted my opponents attempt to Stifle the Mage.

It would definately make for a more involved combat sequence. Even though I love EQ2, combat is all click, click, click..

11:24 AM  
Anonymous Teh chunt said...

Wow... The explanaiton of eating had me rolling on the floor. And from what brad had to say about the other mechanics, you might not be far off.

yeah, you wouldn't want some sort of market board, like in EQ. That's definitely not "core". I'd rather spend 3 hours of my valuable gaming time running around the city and comparison shopping, since that's where the real fun of a MMORPG is. Yeah, can't wait to play that.

10:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG if this is anything remotely near what this game is like in reality, I will be interested to see it, but I have no real wish to play it, it sounded like penalizing the player far more than in other games, and simply just causing massive waste of time on simple issues.. I mean come on the logoff and eating parts were hillarious but not in any way something I find appealling in a mmo when I read it.

- I should say that I play WoW as my first MMO, you guys seem to be more into EQ, I find the graphics and overall style of WoW much more pleasing and non-realistic part makes me happy, I personally don't really like the mmo's which focus on realistic looks.

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