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Friday, October 21, 2005

Friday Humor: Literary Humor

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To continue on the literary theme after my book review yesterday, I figured I would base this Friday Humor around some of the great novels of the 20th century. I used this list as a place to pick my titles.

Catch-22, Joseph Heller

Player: I'd like to report a problem with the bug reporting interface.

GM: All bugs must be reported through the bug report window.

Player: But that's just it, the window is broken!

GM: Then you should report that bug through the bug report window.

Player: But I can't! This is crazy. Next you'll tell me everything is working as intended.

GM: It's working as intended.

Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov

Humby: A/S/L?

Lo: 14/F/US

Humby: OMG you should join my guild!

1984, George Orwell

Big Brother is
watching you.

Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad

I was deep into the Feerott, following that winding cobra of a river so far into the jungle that I forgot what sunlight felt like. The heat was beating me down like an angry Fury and we had already lost some members of the group to the spears of the Tae-Ew tribe. There, at the heart of it all, in that crumbling stone temple built with savagery and blood and darkness, was my enemy. The lizard-men revered him as some sort of god. Who knows what dark pacts he had made, what savagery he had sunk to? All I knew is that he had my frogloks captive, and I meant to make him croak.

Of Mice and Men, John Steinbeck

Lennie: Can I nuke it, George? Can I nuke it?

George: Sure, Lennie, you can nuke it. Just don't nuke it too hard or you'll take aggro from me.

Lennie: Hehe, the spell effects are so pretty, George. We're going to have a nice Guild house someday right, George? With monkeys? And I can pet the monkeys?

George: Sure, Lennie. Sure.

Charlotte's Web, EB White

Charlotte: Salutations!
Uburtank: WTF?
Charlotte: Salutations!
Uburtank: R U some kind of farmer?!1! LOL
Charlotte: It's my fancy way of saying hello :)
Uburtank: Whatever, noob. /duel.

My Antonia, Willa Cather

From the Back Cover - Reviewer Blurbs

"Pioneer women? You mean this isn't Anna Wainscoat erotic fanfiction? I want my money back!"

Ulysses, James Joyce

Riverrun through 'tonica curling round and around the aqueduct pillars a glimmering shimmering snake. Made for the tower, pushing upwards from the hills like a bulbous beacon, stony and rough. The stately, plump Oracle was inside, Oraculus, Oraculo, Oracle.

The Sun Also Rises, Ernest Hemingway

Jake: "I loved her. She was light and love and cruelty all rolled up into one with elf-ears on top. But I had lost something. In the war. I had lost my Prismatic Dagger and I knew I could never group with her without that. But I just take a another drink and try not to think about anything anymore."

On the Road, Jack Kerouac

The first buff was sweet and I popped another totem feeling the ecstasy of it all wash over me. And then I was off and running and sprinting and feeling the sun on me and yelling to Dean for the pure joy of it and I knew that this was the time to be free and this was the time to be fast and this was the time I would finally get my J-boots.

Animal Farm, George Orwell

All tanks are equal. But some tanks are more equal than others.

The Long Goodbye, Raymond Chandler (cheated - this one wasn't on the list)

The elf dame walked out of the steamy rain and into my inn room. She had eyes that glimmered like a collection item and curves in all the right places. Rainwater was dripping onto the seedy wood floor from her cloak but I didn't even blink. It just classed up the joint.

"You're a wizard, right?" she said, in a voice that restored more of my power than the Robe of the Invoker ever did.

"On my good days," I replied. I didn't tell her that my bad days involved fizzles, resists and the bottle of Jum-Jum juice I had stashed in my desk drawer.

She said all I had to do was kill ten rats. Sure, that's how it starts. But with dames like this, it always gets epic in the end.


Blogger cyan said...

Here's a few:

The Lord of the Flies (Golding)

Jack: "Sacrifice the Templar with the glasses, and someone give us an evac."

Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell

"Oh Rhett, you say it 'Pal-a-done' not 'Pa-laa-din'"

(for the eq2-daily podcast listeners/fans)

The Jungle, Upton Sinclair

Player: "But they are putting human meat in this Suzuri Ink"

Guild Leader: "Who cares, we need a 60 alki, keep pumpin'"

Brave New World, Aldous Huxley

Guildie: "So All new players will be Wizzy's with Master Ice Comet?"

Guild Leader: "Yes that is what we do here in Guild 'Alpha' "

A Hithchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams

This planet has--or rather had--a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much most of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of [small platnium coins], which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the [small platnium coins] were unhappy.

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, Frank L. Baum

Do all the people behind the curtain have their names in red?

1:52 AM  
Blogger Hirebrand said...

An old classic for your amusement!


2:27 AM  
Blogger Hirebrand said...


2:28 AM  
Anonymous Anachronist said...

Awesome post ;) Keep up the good work!

8:02 AM  
Blogger Aggro Me said...

Haha, great stuff, Cyan - very nice indeed.

Thanks for the link, Jaaissa, I got a really good laugh out of what I've read so far from that thread.

5:10 PM  
Blogger Mercurie said...

I loved the Catch 22 bit. Unfortunately, I think that novel sums up a lot of games...not to mention Windows 98...

1:25 AM  
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