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Friday, December 30, 2005

Friday Humor: New Year's Resolutions

Ah, yes, what's better on New Year's Eve than champagne, overcrowded clubs and public vomiting? Why, resolutions of course. That's why I sent psychic messages out to some Aggro Me favorites to find out what their New Year's resolutions for the upcoming year are! Here are the brainwave missives I received in return:

Antonia & Lucan: We resolve to actually spend some time with our subjects when they are not trying to kill us.

Vandis: I resolve to ask for help more often.

Brad McQuaid: Resolutions? Perhaps, you haven't heard about my hardcore new resolution system for truly hardcore players. Sure, it might be easy to just make a resolution. But first you will have to travel to the New Year's Resolution area in Qualia. You can only travel on foot so it will take you roughly 4 to 6 days real time. Then you have to camp the Resolution Master who pops once a week. Upon making your resolution you will be presented with 17 possible counter resolutions, each of which will start a resolution chain that can be broken with the patented resolution chain breaker icon and (78 page document follows).

Smed: My resolution? Three words: Additional Revenue Streams.

Blizzard: Our subscription numbers are so low that we resolve to work harder and try to get a few people playing our game! Also, we'll be at work on our first expansion due out sometime around 2010.

Turbine: Just give us 5 or 6 more great licenses and we resolve not to screw them up! Promise!

Maj'Dul Society for the Public Good: Our resolution this year is to do something about those beggars who pester the brave adventurers and tourists who are the key to our economic growth. And we have found affordable housing for them all! Yes, there's a large space in our very city that's always empty: the Arena!

SWG Team: We resolve not to be so afraid of change! We have been dying to make a few minor tweaks to this game since launch but have been too afraid of the reaction.

Random Tradeskill Botter: ...This player is AFK...

Ceciliantas: I resolve to always carefully check the inn room for visitors before, er, "putting on my wizard robe and hat."

Random Uber Player Standing on the Docks in QH: I resolve to get that one fabled piece I need to complete my total uber look.

Norrathian Pet Care Society: We resolve not to feed our house pets too much pepper.

Aggro Me: I feel like I haven't been getting enough aggro lately. Time for a little overnuking in '06.

Bonus Humor:

Coyote takes on Freeport politics.

Kotaku links to a WoW parody of the Apple Switch commercials.

Former Mourning Dev Interview Quote of the Week:

"And it's really funny that he was making fun of Blizzard 2 years ago, "look, they have the game in development for three years and it's still not ready, our game will be ready in 2 years and it will be much better". Isn't life ironic?"

It sure is. Have a safe and fun New Year's Eve. I'll be back on Tuesday.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aggro, will you bear my children?

6:55 AM  
Blogger Krystalea said...

Happy New Year!!! Best wishes to all in both the gaming world and the real world.

Sidenote: My word verification is umm eq. Maybe thats a good sign for the year to come in EQLand. =)

8:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good stuff aggro keep bringing the nukage in 2006 and happy new year.

4:26 PM  
Anonymous Scott Adams said...

ROFL those were very very good! Happy New Year!

10:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Norrathian Pet Care Society: We resolve not to feed our house pets too much pepper.

Priceless! Too bad not enough people know about that poor kitty...

6:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I resolve to boycott CASTER'S REALMS and EVERQUEST 2 for not banning that asshole Kendricke from the Templar forums. Priceless random wacko for the win! Or was that a loss? Oh yeah, they are losing money, aren't they?

Moorgard: I resolve to keep revamping and nerfing until I bankrupt the company!

Smedley: I resolve to double up on duping personal plat and selling it on my SE servers. shhhhhh

2:33 AM  
Blogger Mercurie said...

Happy New Year!

11:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy New Year.

Re: Age of Mourning...

I can't believe it. I looked at their News page and it has a quote from Gladiator on it. Not only is the quote horribly over-used and has almost become a parody of itself, the English has been utterly mangled.

"Do not fear, for you are already dead."

They said "...'cause your already dead." How, through just a website, can a game make me want to hunt down the developers and murder them by inserting a full edition of the Oxford English Dictionary up each nostril? How!? If the English is at this standard on the site, what can I expect from the in-game text? I can see myself clawing at the screen in horror every time I talk with an NPC.

Added to the is the fact that the forums 404 on me so I had to rant here. Sorry. :(

Happy New Year everyone. Remember to Jolt.

9:56 AM  
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