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Friday, December 23, 2005

Friday Humor: Smed Says

I always knew Smed had the l33t business skillz but I never knew he had amazing predictive powers. But then I read a piece on Slashdot which links to this interview in which Smed intimates that SWG has the potential to beat WoW.

"People within the company feel so much pride in this game that they want it to beat the crap out of World of Warcraft. That's something we feel very passionate about. We know we are capable of making the best stuff out there, and I'm proud to say that with the changes we're making in Galaxies, I think we're headed in the right direction. "

Utterly convinced, I realized that Smed was a real prognosticator, a veritable modern day Nostradamus. Smed just might have the keys to understanding what will happen in the future!

There was only one thing do. Yes, the elite Aggro Me Ninja Death Squad (trademark pending) had to be called in. When I called, they had recently been fired from their side-jobs working in the pizza delivery industry for reasons that are best left unspoken. Trust me. In any event, they jumped at the chance to infiltrate the highly secure facility that serves as Smed's office in exchange for 14 silver and a copy of the exciting puzzle game Frantix!

Well, barely escaping with their lives, my Ninja team managed to bring me this fascinating memo from Smed's notepad entitled "Predictions for 2006."

Here are the amazing contents:

* Legions of FPS fans will stop playing Battlefield 2...to join the massively popular game Planetside!

* The Matrix Online will surpass the amount of Lineage II users worldwide sometime around March 12, 2006.

* Toon Town will become so popular that subscriptions will be impossible to get and accounts will sell for thousands on EBay.

* I will be knighted by the Queen of England for my general greatness and asked to serve as the Secretary of Gaming by the President of the United States. I will respectfully decline due to a conflict with my position as the CEO of the entire Sony corporation.

* Three words: Mic-Ro-Payments.

* The top Everquest players will be visited by a wizard from a fantastic dimension. He will be recruiting heroes and brave leaders to save his kingdom from evil. They will join him and have many adventures, eventually defeating the source of the evil while finding laughter and love along the way.

* The DoF monkey will be the "hot item" during the holiday season next year and shortages will rival those of the XBox 360.

* A new renaissance of literate debate will come to the SWG forums bringing to mind the droll wit and brilliance of both a French salon at the time of Voltaire and the Algonquin Round Table on its best night.

* Jessica Chobot will lick a copy of the next EQII expansion.

* The new MMO from SOE which I will reveal to be based around running a muffin bakery in a post-apocalyptic future will be the first MMO ever to top 100 million players.

* Aliens will land at the next FanFaire and threaten to destroy the planet unless someone can defeat their top singer in a karaoke contest. My rousing rendition of "Welcome to the Jungle" will save Earth from total annihilation.

* The readership of a blog named "Aggro Me" will be higher than that of the New York Times and the National Enquirer. Combined.

* The sequel to the Quest for Antonia, known as the Quest for Lucan, will be televised nationally and will surpass the ratings of American Idol.

* Nick and Jessica will get back together!!! The following doodle was found next to this statement:
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
Wow, this is going to be one heck of a year! I can hardly wait.

Bonus humor:

Some funny
Frostfell humor from Coyote.

The Former Mourning
Dev Interview Quote of the Week:

"Q: That's interesting. So how was Adonys hired?

A: There was this.. contest.

Q: A contest? To hire a lead designer?

A: Well, at that time it was a contest to hire the only game designer."

Have a nice weekend and happy Frostfell! I'll be back on Tuesday.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dunno Aggro, I believe all Smed's predictions but - Nick and Jessica getting back together that one is a tough one :)

Happy holidays.

11:56 PM  
Anonymous Anachronist said...

Nice one ;) SOE brought the world a complete new branch of humor:

The Smed-humor. [-->jingle]

Maybe our ancestors will tell jokes like "How many Smeds does it take to change a light bulb?" without even knowing the historical origins of the smed-word.

Later on scientist might try to find a way to retrieve information stored on hard drives fossilized eons ago. Who or what was this Smed-thing? A person? An abstract concept of something funny? A god of that religious cult wich those ancient cultures called entertainment industry?

Sometimes I'd wish I'd have an opportunity to meet that guy and see whether he deserves this kind of immortality it or not ;)


6:10 AM  
Blogger Anskiere said...

I read these at 6:30 in the morning after a late night and the first one forced a very gruff laugh out of me.

"Legions of FPS fans will stop playing Battlefield 2...to join the massively popular game Planetside!"

We all know how close Planetside is to my heart :P

And the rest were great too!

Happy Frostfell :P

7:39 AM  
Blogger Krystalea said...

Haha =) That was pretty good. I do have to thank you for the link to Coyote. He just cracks me up.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all =)

9:29 AM  
Blogger Jeff said...

Its lies - cuz foriegners can't actually be knighted by the queen of england...and i speak as a proud english republican!

6:41 PM  
Blogger cyan said...

* Three words: Mic-Ro-Payments.

I just shot coffee through my nose.

9:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate Coyote. I don't think he's funny and he crosses the line with questionable humor on the EQ2 forums all the time. Of course he gets away with it cuz he's the fanboi!

I'm not a fan of Coyote. Everyone I even know that's heard of him thinks he's an ass. Most just say, "Coyote who? Caster's Realm? Didn't that go out with EQ1 and the spyware complaints?" This positive feedback has gotta be written by him or his NGD friends, who are losers anyway.

3:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Q: That's interesting. So how was Adonys hired?

A: There was this.. contest.

Q: A contest? To hire a lead designer?

A: Well, at that time it was a contest to hire the only game designer."


Too funny and oh so true!

The best game designer would come from the best game critics, but hey, why should they listen to us? We only played online games since conception, or was that inception? What would we know, eh?

Hey Aggro! You need more publicity. This stuff is pure genius!

4:04 PM  
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12:53 PM  

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