Friday Humor: New Expansion

I was leveling up my Gags the other night by owning Cogs in Toontown, when suddenly I was ganked by a high level Toon. At first I was annoyed and then I was confused. There is no PvP in Toontown. It could only mean one thing. The Aggro Me l33t Junior High Haxxor Squad had hacked into Toontown to get my attention. Sure enough, I received an e-mail stating "LOL aggro-newb, we found this secrit data when we were haxxorizing Smed's exercise bike with our l33t scriptz - send us phat lewts NOW!"

The data they had skillfully obtained was none other than a press release from SOE's top secret Expansion 4 division. Text follows:

NEW ADDITIONS COMING TO THE WORLD OF EVERQUEST®II

New Expansion Pack, Memories of Oz and New Adventure Pack, The Ruins of Munchkin Land Currently In Development College of Prof. Wogglebug Campus

OZ – May 3, 2006 – Sony Online Entertainment LLC (SOE), a global leader in the online games industry, today announced details on its latest plans for EverQuest II, which include a new expansion pack featuring an all new playable race and an adventure pack introducing a never seen before Technicolor flair to the popular massively multiplayer online game. Memories of Oz, the newest expansion for EverQuest II, is expected to be available on or around November 14, both at retail and via digital distribution for trade-in of a pair of ruby-red slippers, or a small dog named Toto. The Ruins of Munchkin Land is the latest adventure pack for EQII and will be available this June by digital download only for a suggested retail price of one brick of gold or at an additional charge of $3.00 per month to Station Access subscribers of 18 months or longer.

“The introduction of Oz to the world of EverQuest is out best-ever offerings to the EverQuest II product line, providing great fun and plenty of fond childhood memories for the EQII community”, said Glenda the Good Witch, the newest member of the Community Relations team at Sony Online Entertainment. “Memories of Oz is a content-rich experience for the all EverQuest II players and Wizard of Oz-fans alike, since the new content is based on the familiar Land of Oz, and all areas are accessible to all level ranges. With The Ruins of Munchkin Land, higher level veterans of EQII can explore the once great land of the Munchkins through a unique adventure down the Yellow Brick Road, visiting the location of the once-rusted tin-man, the deadly Poppy Field, and they can bring back tasty lollipops to the rest of the EQII game world.”

Memories of Oz is the newest expansion pack for EverQuest II, and introduces a new playable race, The Munchkins. A race of slightly-taller-than-gnome people (but still short enough for punting), the Munchkins dwell in the heart of Oz, within the walls of the Emerald City, the new starting city being added to this latest chapter in the EQII saga. Memories of Oz includes over 10 new Oz-themed quests, a new selection of in-game musical scores, plastic-looking hairstyles from the barbershops, cutesy Munchkin-inspired formal clothing, and new alignment-based mounts available to players of all levels. EQII players will encounter almost 8 new types of creatures to face, no-more than 4 new zones and adventure areas, but will not be available to players of the wildly popular new PvP (Player vs. Player) servers due to the children-oriented theme of this title. Oh, and we’ll throw in all-new items, equipment, spells, tradeskill recipes, and stuff because if we didn’t, there would be trouble our team that man the forums. The new Achievement system introduced in the Kingdom of Sky expansion will be enhanced to include additional sub-class abilities for all short-stature races in order to popularize the idea of players actually playing these often overlooked cute little guys.

Developed in conjunction with SOE’s new Wicked Witch of the West studio, The Ruins of Munchkin Land Adventure Pack promises to deliver a somewhat similar downloadable story-rich content seen in their previously released The Bloodline Chronicles and The Splitpaw Saga, but this time with very colorful, bright, and cheerful Munchkin Land inspired adventure zones, with a children-friendly story arc that will include favorites such as lollipops, new harvestable items such as apples from sentient and cranky trees; and all of this taking place along the infamous Yellow Brick Road!

The Ruins of Munchkin Land introduces EQII players to a once happy land now shrouded in fear and terrorized by a new powerful group of Wicked Witches. The Flying Monkeys, a menacing army of creepy flying monkeys, now ravage all of Munchkin Land seeking revenge from the demise of their original-masters in the Wicked Witch sisterhood. They dare all adventurers brave enough to explore the strangeness of this forgetful civilization to take the Yellow Brick Road into the heart of Munchkin Land and visit their tourist attractions which includes Dorothy’s Farm House.

EverQuest II Memories of Oz Features

New playable race – The Munchkins
New starting location – Emerald City
Over 10 new Oz-themed quests Content and zones available for players of all levels (1 – 70)
New broom mounts for evil-alignment characters New floating plastic bubbles for good-alignment characters
All-new musical scores Exactly 4 new adventure zones Almost 8 new types of creatures
No new content for PvP (Player vs. Player) servers
Munchkin-themed items, equipment, spells, and tradeskill recipes
EverQuest II

The Ruins of Munchkin Land Features

Flying Monkey encounters available for players of level 55-70
New harvestable fruit from trees
Familiar adventure locations along the route of the Yellow Brick Road A
single new quests that explores Munchkin Land
All-new tourist attractions ($15 for adults, $15 for children and seniors) Munchkin-influenced style and design New, and even more wicked, Wicked Witches
Available via digital download only - Station Access players with EQII will receive as part of their subscription for an additional charge of $3.00 per month

This post was entirely written (except for the intro) by Karnatos. Big thanks to Karnatos as I was tapped out on the humor from last week's lengthy Nathan Ironforge's Livejournal post.