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Friday, June 08, 2007

Fakepost Week: Aggro Nova

Ah, real money transfer! That most fascinating of topics and one that is extremely rarely touched upon on this fair site. In short, it is the most fascinating thing ever created in the universe. It is so fascinating that it is like a fascination black hole only instead of being a hole it's puppies and unicorns stuffed with rainbows and glory.

During my time spent studying the economy of a small island off the coast of Borneo inhabited only by spiders, I suddenly realized the future of the virtual world.

As Eglizt Thackgunderson writes in his well-known pamphlet on the mating habits of aquatic fowl during the Sixteenth century, "It's not the size of your beak, it's the size of your feathers." Truer words were never spoken.

I recently said to my friend Yogbert Fizzle, JD, MD, PHD, AOL, DDD, who happens to be not only a world renowned scholar but the foremost expert on middle-eastern tupperware and the seventy-fifth person to ever create a MUD, "Hey, Yogbert, how are you?"

All in all it's a glorious new vista of excitement as we stand like Columbi at the prow of this brave ship heading westwards towards the intersection of reality, virtuality and the metaverse.

*finishes strong by working in the word pwned or uber*


Blogger Sithload: said...

I don't mean to sound pedantic, but I'm going to spend 4 paragraphs sounding pedantic.

Clearly, you haven't considered recent research into Sixteenth century fowl fucking and the implications on duck hunts conducted by Vice Presidents of major countries. A lawyer shot in the face is a clear attempt by lawless criminal gangs to control the flow of RMT into and out of virtual worlds.

You probably didn't consider your sources well enough, but Harry Whittington, the lawyer shot by Dick Cheney, has a friend who has a colleague who has a child that is failing out of Yale because he cannot stop playing Eve Online. This event revealed a much larger conspiracy. The child of the friend of the colleague spent his trust fund buying gold and items from "Chinese" farmers, who are really a front for CIA drug runners denied poppy profits in Afghanistan due to the fall of the Taliban. Money formerly funneled through Afghan launderers (Hey, those burkas cost a lot to wash) is now being processed through the children of the wealthy as they play online video games.

Harry Whittington mentioned this to Cheney and wanted in on the profits, earning himself buckshot to the face. It's a dangerous world. Did you know Sir Molle graduated from Yale and is a member of Skull and Bones? Were you aware Eve Online is an US Department of Defense secret project pretending to be based out of Iceland, and the spaceships being modeled in the Eve Universe are actually being built in Area 51?

It's all there in the research. My dissertation defense is coming up next month, and soon I'll be a doctor just like the men in white coats who bring me my medicine in Dixie cups while I'm researching at the hospit....err, the university library each afternoon.

10:38 AM  
Anonymous CEO Company Z said...

Try going into the business of MMO's and see how well your "dissertations" do in the real.. errr virtual world.

fucking hippies.

1:04 PM  
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