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Friday, May 09, 2008

Friday Humor: Certified Virtual Life Coach

You may have heard about the growing trend of having a "life coach." Yes, life coaching can truly help you become a better person, advance at your job or even have a more fulfilling personal life. A life coach can encourage you to succeed and push you to new heights of personal growth!

But seriously, who cares about that?

Isn't your virtual life much more important?

With our new Aggro Inc. Virtual Life Coaching Service (certified by the International Association of Virtual Coaching) we focus on what really matters - your virtual life.

* Are you a complete freaking noob?

* Have you been unable to get your level into double digits?

* Does your guild spam for members in the newbie zone?

* Do your friends laugh at your sad little weapon?

* Do you embarrass your group time after time?

If you answered yes to any of these questions - you need our services!

We have on staff some of the finest virtual life coaches in the multiverse and they are waiting to help you! We’ll push you to new levels…of levels!
Question: Can you really just choose to stop being a complete noob?

Answer: Yes! But you have to take the first step and contact us!
Before: Boo-hoo! I don't have time to level up as fast as my friends! I have a marriage and a job and I like to go outside.

After: Heh. I am an accomplished level 70 Paladin with great gear. Virtual Life Coaching gave me the courage to quit my job, leave my wife and move back in with my parents.
Proactive! Synergy! Meta-strategy! Do these words mean anything to you? Of course not - you can barely log into your account, you worthless loser.

"But Virtual Life Coach! I'm already a high-level dood with awesome gear! But this cute Elf healer won't talk to me. How can you help me?"

Well, we have specialists for just that situation! Lay some delightful neg hits down ("Um, that staff is an 'interesting' choice") on that HB 9.7 Elf maiden and move from chump to PUA in days! Do you know what all that means? Of course you don't Mr. Nice-Guy! We revolutionized virtual kino and text based-NLP!"

Whatever the situation...Virtual Life Coaching is here to help. Virtually.

Hello, empowerment - how are you today? I'm empowering - thanks!

Just listen to this testimonial:

"I am now uber!" - Some guy

"I'm the most popular guy on the vent server!" - Some other guy

As Heidi from the Hills so eloquently put it: "Virtual success is 92% perspiration and 10% inspiration!"

Let us give you that inspiration! And perspiration! Call Aggro Inc. Virtual Life Coaching today!


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