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Friday, June 02, 2006

Friday Humor: You Might Be Hardcore If...





The other night I was reading Jeff Freeman's "Are You Hardcore?" post while Jeff Foxworthy's tired "comedy" routine ("You Might Be a Redneck If...") happened to be on the television in the background. I combined these two like peanut butter and jelly to create the following:

You might be hardcore if...

When playing EQII you punch yourself in the face every time you die because the death penalty is not severe enough.

You might be hardcore if...

You solo even con triple-up heroic mobs - using only auto-attack.

You might be hardcore if...

You clear an entire zone of mobs using an arcade style trackball instead of a mouse.

You might be hardcore if...

You make group chat more hardcore by rolling a six-sided die each night and then chat only using words which have the number of syllables you rolled.

You might be hardcore if...

You post more on the Vanguard forums than
Brad McQuaid.

You might be hardcore if...

When tradeskilling, you make every item you craft in real life using the forge and woodcarving table in your bedroom.

You might be hardcore if...

You mock people playing in closed beta for not being around during the "good old days" of the friends and family beta.

You might be hardcore if...

You spend more time playing in a week than most people spend being awake.

You might be hardcore if...

You wear cloth armor on your Guardian to "up the challenge factor."


You might be hardcore if...

You have more accounts then your age.

You might be hardcore if...

Your elite raiding guild is so selective that you haven't taken in a new member since the late 80's.

You might be hardcore if...

You left the newbie isle wearing all fabled gear.

You might be hardcore if...

You mock Vanguard for not being hardcore enough.

You might be hardcore if...

You cleared a high level dungeon zone - blindfolded.


You might be hardcore if...

You give a plat to the beggars in Maj instead of a silver because you've just got it like that.

You might be hardcore if...

You use
this keyboard.

You might be hardcore if...

You send messages to your hardcore friends by naming your characters words in the sentence you want to create and then getting them all to the top of the PvP leader board in order.

You might be hardcore if...

Your computer costs more than your car and home combined (and you built it yourself, of course.)

You might be hardcore if...

You use hardcore emoticons like this: *()(!!!@)&^ which only other hardcore players can understand.

You might be hardcore if...

You cross each zone seven times before zoning to simulate old-school travel times.

You just might be hardcore if...

Aggro Me is your home page.

9 Comments:

Blogger E. Swartz said...

Gaaah! I thought I might have beaten Aggro Me to posting! Oh, well.

4:08 AM  
Anonymous Wargut said...

Hahahahahaha!

That keyboard is hilarious! ((Rated up to 50 million keystrokes! No Way!))

7:20 AM  
Anonymous Johnsonrod said...

Bravo.

10:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't figure out if that keyboard is for real or a satire.

5:56 PM  
Blogger Mercurie said...

You know, the sad thing is I know people whose PCs cost more than their cars...

1:37 AM  
Anonymous Troodon said...

wkpdNot seen a computer keyboard like that, but I do remember that unlabeled typrewriters once existed to train people to type by touch rather than looking at the keys.

12:35 PM  
Blogger E. Swartz said...

I think the computer is for real. Some of the more masochistic, hard core of us Vanbois will probably like it.

must... resist... *cough* urge... make... game... harder... Vision... *gurgle*

2:00 AM  
Anonymous Kirath Coldarrow said...

That keyboard is absolutely real. I've come close to ordering the original model on Newegg a few times. The concept is true, you type faster and more accurately when you never have to look at the keyboard.

I'm glad I didn't, because as soon as I can justify 90 bucks for a keyboard...

11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

... you are so HARDcore...

by the way: I always use a trackball... mouse is sooo aaargh..
I could, of course, tidy up my desk, so I have enough space for a mouse.

4:20 AM  

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