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Friday, June 08, 2007

Life is a Fakepost

Opening the actual New York Times and seeing the word "Goonswarm" made me wonder if all my fakeposting had finally destroyed my sense of reality.

I hereby end fakepost week before things get any crazier!

Fakepost Week: Aggro Nova

Ah, real money transfer! That most fascinating of topics and one that is extremely rarely touched upon on this fair site. In short, it is the most fascinating thing ever created in the universe. It is so fascinating that it is like a fascination black hole only instead of being a hole it's puppies and unicorns stuffed with rainbows and glory.

During my time spent studying the economy of a small island off the coast of Borneo inhabited only by spiders, I suddenly realized the future of the virtual world.

As Eglizt Thackgunderson writes in his well-known pamphlet on the mating habits of aquatic fowl during the Sixteenth century, "It's not the size of your beak, it's the size of your feathers." Truer words were never spoken.

I recently said to my friend Yogbert Fizzle, JD, MD, PHD, AOL, DDD, who happens to be not only a world renowned scholar but the foremost expert on middle-eastern tupperware and the seventy-fifth person to ever create a MUD, "Hey, Yogbert, how are you?"

All in all it's a glorious new vista of excitement as we stand like Columbi at the prow of this brave ship heading westwards towards the intersection of reality, virtuality and the metaverse.

*finishes strong by working in the word pwned or uber*

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Fakepost Week: Great Gaming Quotations in History

"I am Gandalf the White and I come back to you now at the turn of the tide." - Ken Kutargi, E3 2006

"It was unearthly, and the men were, — No, they were not inhuman. Well, you know, that was the worst of it — this suspicion of their not being inhuman. It would come slowly to one. They howled, and leaped, and spun, and made horrid faces; but what thrilled you was just the thought of their humanity — like yours — the thought of your remote kinship with this wild and passionate uprour. Ugly. Yes, it was ugly enough; but if you were man enough you would admit to youself that in this dismal heart of darkness there was in you just the faintest trace of a response to the terrible frankness of that noise, a dim suspicion of there being a meaning in it which you — you so remote from the night of first ages — could comprehend." -
GameFun Magazine, April Issue, Review of Second Life

"The healers of the world have nothing to lose but their chains! They have a world to win! Working healers of all Guilds, unite!" - Greenhealz, Guild Forums, Thread: DKP Discussion

"I hate Mondays but I love lasagna. Do you like lasagna, Snake? SNAKE? SNAAAKE???" - Otacon, Metal Gear Solid III

"Napoleon's army flanks us - his Western and Eastern troops are like giant pincers which seek to confound us with their pinching. But if we come from the South, at his weak point, we shall punish the French army for damage of a most massive nature." - Arthur Wellesley, First Duke of Wellington

"Jesters do oft prove prophets." -Cartman, South Park, WoW Episode

"Welcome to the Ultra Competitive Hardcore Gaming League Extreme Edition! First up is Ghosthead92 battling SexyGrrl15 in Dead or Alive 4! This is going to be an incredible match...probably the greatest in gaming history. What's that? They used to be in the same gaming clan? I'm shaking right now - look at my hands. No...I'm hearing now that they used to date! Is this really happening? IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING????" - Tommy Tallarico, Ultra Competitive Hardcore Gaming League Extreme Edition on Direct TV

"Reading Aggro Me is the best thing to ever happen to me."-Prumpy Irontoe, Everquest

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Fakepost Week: Second Life Press Release


Realizing the critical importance of maintaining a business presence both in so-called reality and the wonderful virtual universe of Second Life, Bob's Taco Emporium of Fargo, North Dakota has opened a Bob's Virtual Taco Emporium in Second Life.

"This is just another shining example of the expanding corporate presence in Second Life," stated some Linden. "The business world has embraced the mind blowing opportunities we have to offer. This is a wonderful, better world. And there's nothing weird or, er, perverse going on here, seriously. Don't look over there...that's nothing. Seriously. Linden dollars."

Bob's Taco Emporium will launch today, having been designed by Analog Sheep. There people will be able to purchase virtual tacos for their meta-eating pleasure.

"Think of it as Tacos 2.0," said Bob of Bob's Taco Emporium. "We're breaking down barriers. With extra salsa."

Lot's of people play Second Life. But play is not really the right word because it's more than a game. Linden Research. Linden dollars.


Fakepost Week: Fakepost Facts (Meta Fakepost Post)

I've noted a dearth of bloggers joining in on Fakepost Week. Perhaps, in this jaded age, the true meaning of Fakepost Week has been forgotten. It's become so commercialized, few still know the true Fakepost spirit. Therefore, I bring you the following fascinating Fakepost facts:


Fakepost Week was created seven years ago by the United Nations in a spirit of international cooperation to bring peace and economic stability to the world. The General Assembly approved the measure in a near unanimous vote (Canada and Tonga abstaining). However, it is the International Court of Justice which monitors Fakepost Week and deals with any disputes.

Did that fact FASCINATE you??! I know it did.


Bill Gates, millionaire Microsoft Maven, will send you $1.23 for each Fakepost you write!!! I know what you're thinking lol Snopes.com but this thing is legit! He's beta-testing the new Microsoft Serious-Post 2008 and needs tons of Fakeposting to test the filters. I doubted it too but my friend Frank showed me an ACTUAL CHECK in the amount of $3,294 signed by Gates!!!

Also my friend Sally wrote seven fakeposts and she won the lottery and married Tom Brady!!! I'm not saying it's connected but something to PONDER!!!! Then there's my friend Dean who failed to Fakepost. It might just be coincidence but the next week he got bitten by a rabid penguin, fell into a hole and his dog got asthma!!!! Do you really want to risk it?!?!?

Was that nugget of knowledge tasty and delicious?!! Oh yeah, that hit the spot.


If you fakepost about fakeposting the universe will collapse in upon itself and-


Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Fakepost Week: Forum

Hi, I was wondering if anyone here knows how to use Feature X?

Monday, June 04, 2007

Fakepost Week: MMO Expansion Review

Well, Company X has released an expansion to Game Z! (Insert joke about large amount of time people spend playing Game Z). Ah yes, the world of Game Z. (Insert joke about elves or dragons or wizards). So what do we have in store?

*lists every new feature directly from the Company X press release - word for word*

So those wacky players will be (joke about spending a large amount of time playing the game). Now I only got to level 3 but I did take a guided tour of the expansion! So here's my detailed analysis of the game:


All in all it is pretty much an expansion to the original game and should please fans!

If you play the game your decison to buy or not buy this expansion is almost certainly unrelated to this review. And if you don't play the game, well, you're not going to need the expansion are you?

My work is done here.

Overall score: 7.5 out of 10

Friday, June 01, 2007

Gods and Betas

Looks like Gods & Heroes: Rome Rising is accepting beta signups. So head on over and check it out if you're so inclined.

The main site is here. The squad based combat in Movie 2 of the Media section looks pretty neat, but some of the monsters seem pretty generic. I would have played up the Roman aspect a bit and downplayed the mythology to further differentiate the game from its rivals. But it still could be interesting.


I came across this Phoenix Wright Judgment Generator (via DS Fanboy). My attempts with it are pretty awful but, hey, this a "warm-up" post and maybe you can top me!

The Secret of Everything!



This is...

The page is in Japanese but here is the info:

1. Enter desired text and press the red button.
2. Click on the horizontal bar above the three buttons to browse for your desired image.
3. Drag and drop the image and use the buttons to the right to resize/rotate.
4. Press the red button to continue (the first button is "back").
5. A preview will play. Press the red button again to save.
6. Post link.