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Friday, April 08, 2005

Friday Humor: Progress Quest

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Do you enjoy games like EQII or WOW but at the same time find yourself tiring of all the repetitive clicking? What if I told you there was a game that involved no clicking and also had no lag and no disconnects but also featured gorgeous 3D graphics and massively multiplayer online play? And what if I told you it was absolutely free, with no monthly fees?

Behold the future of the MMORPG: Progress Quest!

First you must create your character from the robust character creation system. Be warned, while I find the Dung Elf Robot Monk to be severely underpowered the Talking Pony Tickle-Mimic is almost too uber. Next, venture forth with your sharp stick and begin slaying Battle-Camels and underaged Rust Monsters. Don't forget questing: the reward of a leprechaun wallet for the "Bring me the Chicken" quest is especially helpful all the way into Act III.

Note: Read no further if you want to enjoy your game!

Okay, so if you haven't figured it out Progress Quest is a satire of MMORPG's. After you create your character a progress bar runs and your level, spells, equipment, quests, inventory and plot development is automatically updated. The only 3D graphics are the shadings around the text frames.

For a joke it is amazing well done. It's actually sort of fun to keep it running in the background.

Progress Quest really struck a chord. Part of the fun of playing is being sure to leave a positive review on Download.com. There's over 690 reviews already! I don't know what's funnier, the negative reviews from people who don't get the joke, or the positive reviews from people like "Jules" who say things like, "I can't feel my legs! This is the best thing since sliced bread! This is so exciting after playing this you will need to check your pants!"

You'll also find strategy guides, scarily active forums and a robust fan site with articles on everything from the "Level Design" in PQ to avoiding the ever dangerous Porn Golems.

Well, time for me to get back to Progress Quest - I really want the Gauntlets of +3 Macrame. Oh wait, I already got them while I was writing this post. Gained three levels too - nice!


Anonymous Ethic said...

I have a level 71 Skraeling Bastard Lunatic on Spoltog myself. It is the perfect game for me, I have never had so much fun.

11:32 AM  

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