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Friday, May 27, 2005

Friday Humor: EQII Sitcoms

Well, the recent news that guild halls are rumored to be on the way (it's towards the end of this linkfest post) had me wondering. How about a sitcom based around life in a guild hall?

Let's try to imagine what that would be like as I rip off a couple of my favorite sitcoms...

Cheers Qeynosians!
The setting – a guild hall which is furnished like a tavern. The bartender is Samai, a handsome wood elf. Gorm, an ogre, walks in.

Customers: GORM!

Samai: What’s new Gorm?

Gorm: Gnolls, Samai, they’ve taken over my stomach. They’re demanding ale.

Samai slides him an ale.

Samai: So, rough day Gorm?

Gorm: It’s a world of ebon leggings, Samai, and I’m wearing threadbare pants.

Claivan, a gnoll seated next to Gorm, chirps in.

Claivan: Funny you mention ebon Gormy. The Tae-Ew or Cazic-Thulians if you will are a notoriously lazy and drunk bunch who only mine when they are out of beer. Thus, they obviously called Ebon No-Beer which eventually got shortened to Nobe. Of course, when humans came to the Feerrott they not knowing, as I do, that the Tae-Ew language is read right to left, read Nobe backwards as Ebon!

Diana (a high elf): I don’t think that’s right. Samai, what are you doing?

Samai: And then I remove your bodice and rub my strong hands over your – oops, sorry mistell!

Diana: Sam!

And scene…

Or how about everyone's favorite Qeynosian, Jerai Rhynefeld?

Rhynefeld

Gorge, a balding dwarf enters the guild hall where Jerai is sitting on the couch with Eraine.

Gorge: Hey guys, check it out.

He slides the Mask of the Deceiver over his face and morphs into a handsome dark elf.

Eraine: Uh, yeah whatever Gorge.

Jerai: So what’s the deal with Griffons anyway? In Antonica they let you ride them and in TS they attack you! I mean seriously if they follow you into Antonica will they go from biting you to flying you around-

Eraine: Anyway, how was your date with that girl I set you up with, Gorge?

Gorge: Hmm…okay I guess. The thing is, she’s a dwarf.

Jerai: Wait, let me get this straight. You, Gorge, are refusing to date someone because they’re a dwarf?

Gorge: Well, yeah, I can do better.

Eraine (screaming): But you’re a dwarf, Gorge! You’re a dwarf!

Gorge (smirking): No, I was a dwarf.

Eraine: I don’t like this mask and I don’t like what it’s doing to you. And here’s what I’m going to do about it!

She grabs the mask and flings it out the window. Gorge turns back into a dwarf.

Scene 2

Gorge comes running into the guild hall where Jerai is sitting. Kraymir, the wacky troll is searching the guild vault for food.

Gorge: Jerai, Jerai if someone sends you a tell you have to answer, “Vandelay Raiding Guild!”

Jerai: What are you talking about Gorge?

Gorge: I’m trying to get into this high-end raiding guild to impress a woman and I said I was in Vandelay Raiding Guild and that the leader was at this guild hall.

Jerai: And what exactly is your position in my raiding guild?


Gorge: I’m a Raid Officer.

Jerai: Humph, Raid Officer. I don’t think so.

Gorge: Just say Vandelay Raiding Guild! I have to go adjust my market board prices.

Gorge goes into the other room.

Kraymir: Hey Jerai, some wacko’s sending me a tell! Something about Vandelay Raiding? Do you have anymore owlbear steaks?

Gorge (shouting): Say Vandelay Raiding Guild! Vandelay Raiding Guild!

Kraymir: No, sorry buddy, never heard of it! What’s that Gorge?

Gorge, in his haste to return, accidentally puts his clothes up for sale. He runs back into the room half-naked and falls over a chair. Jerai looks down at him condescendingly.

Jerai: And you want to be my Raid Officer…

Fin

Okay, maybe that was one of those things that sounds funnier in my head.


Hmm, if you read this far take a link to a techno remix of the whole Leroy thing and we'll call it, uh, even.

5 Comments:

Blogger supernoob said...

No, Aggro, it wasn't just funny in your head. "Kraymir, the wacky troll is searching the guild vault for food." That, in particular killed me.

Nice job.

2:42 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

Funny stuff. I've linked to you at IPYM.

4:38 PM  
Blogger Aggro Me said...

Thanks both of you - I was kind of unsure about whether this was funny or not after I wrote it so I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it.

4:41 PM  
Blogger Aggro Me said...

By the way, One-Eyed Man, I finally remembered to add a link to your site on my links list (I'm lazy about adding links). It's always a good read.

5:09 PM  
Anonymous successwithusana said...

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2:56 PM  

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