Aggro Me: Friday Humor: EQII Sitcoms
Friday Humor: EQII Sitcoms
Well, the recent news that guild halls are rumored to be on the way (it's towards the end of this linkfest post) had me wondering. How about a sitcom based around life in a guild hall?
Let's try to imagine what that would be like as I rip off a couple of my favorite sitcoms...
The setting – a guild hall which is furnished like a tavern. The bartender is Samai, a handsome wood elf. Gorm, an ogre, walks in.
Samai: What’s new Gorm?
Gorm: Gnolls, Samai, they’ve taken over my stomach. They’re demanding ale.
Samai slides him an ale.
Samai: So, rough day Gorm?
Gorm: It’s a world of ebon leggings, Samai, and I’m wearing threadbare pants.
Claivan, a gnoll seated next to Gorm, chirps in.
Claivan: Funny you mention ebon Gormy. The Tae-Ew or Cazic-Thulians if you will are a notoriously lazy and drunk bunch who only mine when they are out of beer. Thus, they obviously called Ebon No-Beer which eventually got shortened to Nobe. Of course, when humans came to the Feerrott they not knowing, as I do, that the Tae-Ew language is read right to left, read Nobe backwards as Ebon!
Diana (a high elf): I don’t think that’s right. Samai, what are you doing?
Samai: And then I remove your bodice and rub my strong hands over your – oops, sorry mistell!
Or how about everyone's favorite Qeynosian, Jerai Rhynefeld?
Gorge, a balding dwarf enters the guild hall where Jerai is sitting on the couch with Eraine.
Gorge: Hey guys, check it out.
He slides the Mask of the Deceiver over his face and morphs into a handsome dark elf.
Eraine: Uh, yeah whatever Gorge.
Jerai: So what’s the deal with Griffons anyway? In Antonica they let you ride them and in TS they attack you! I mean seriously if they follow you into Antonica will they go from biting you to flying you around-
Eraine: Anyway, how was your date with that girl I set you up with, Gorge?
Gorge: Hmm…okay I guess. The thing is, she’s a dwarf.
Jerai: Wait, let me get this straight. You, Gorge, are refusing to date someone because they’re a dwarf?
Gorge: Well, yeah, I can do better.
Eraine (screaming): But you’re a dwarf, Gorge! You’re a dwarf!
Gorge (smirking): No, I was a dwarf.
Eraine: I don’t like this mask and I don’t like what it’s doing to you. And here’s what I’m going to do about it!
She grabs the mask and flings it out the window. Gorge turns back into a dwarf.
Gorge comes running into the guild hall where Jerai is sitting. Kraymir, the wacky troll is searching the guild vault for food.
Gorge: Jerai, Jerai if someone sends you a tell you have to answer, “Vandelay Raiding Guild!”
Jerai: What are you talking about Gorge?
Gorge: I’m trying to get into this high-end raiding guild to impress a woman and I said I was in Vandelay Raiding Guild and that the leader was at this guild hall.
Jerai: And what exactly is your position in my raiding guild?Gorge: I’m a Raid Officer.
Jerai: Humph, Raid Officer. I don’t think so.
Gorge: Just say Vandelay Raiding Guild! I have to go adjust my market board prices.
Gorge goes into the other room.
Kraymir: Hey Jerai, some wacko’s sending me a tell! Something about Vandelay Raiding? Do you have anymore owlbear steaks?
Gorge (shouting): Say Vandelay Raiding Guild! Vandelay Raiding Guild!
Kraymir: No, sorry buddy, never heard of it! What’s that Gorge?
Gorge, in his haste to return, accidentally puts his clothes up for sale. He runs back into the room half-naked and falls over a chair. Jerai looks down at him condescendingly.
Jerai: And you want to be my Raid Officer…
Okay, maybe that was one of those things that sounds funnier in my head. Hmm, if you read this far take a link to a techno remix of the whole Leroy thing and we'll call it, uh, even.